A guide to create a perfect orkut profile!

In the age of web 2.0 and Spiderman 3.0, your presence on one of the addas where you can 'do frandsheep' with 'cweet' and 'sweetiful' gals and dudes is indispensable. Initially when I joined the orkut network, my long lost kindergarten friends would pop up every other day in my scrapbook and do a "paichaann kaun??"

Some times I used to irritate complete strangers with this.

My shikaar's profile name ( ravi_hunk_cool)

Me (on his scrapbook) : Oye ravi!!! kahaa hai tuuuuuuuu mere yaaar!! pehchana mere ko???? yaad hai apan saath me cricket khela karte the bachpan me chhat pe...tu to vadddaa mota-shota ho gaya hai yaaar....[:D]

ravu_cool_hunk : (puzzled..but still jhooth bolta hai) umm.. haan yaar ..kya haal hai tere....arey yaar itne pooraane dost ko kaise bhool sakta huu..kaisa hai tu bol..

Me : haa yaar kya din the wo…Bhopal ki sardiyo me apan chhat par saath me patang udaaya karte the. Tu meri patang phaad diya karta tha aur main teri shirt ....aah kya din the wo..

Ravi : Oye ! mai to kabhi Bhopal gaya hi nahee !!! [:O]

Me : To main kaun saa gaya hoon..hehe..abbey waise tu yaar mota bahut hai, vajan kam karr[:O]

So as you can see Orkut sure is interesting. And then there is this feature called the 'Recent profile visitors' which randomly links to five other persons/profiles who have visited your profile for undisclosed intentions. And it leads to this:-

"Oye tina!! tujhe pata hai ye garam_bheja_fry karamjalaa teen dino se mera profile visit kar raha hai!! iske mann me jarur chor hai"

"Oooiiii maa!! sacccheee me ye ek number ka chhaliya hai....ye meri visitors ki list me bhi roz attendance lagaata hai.."

"isko 'report abuse' ka chaanta lagana padega.."

" haan jarur behen !! kahee kuch paap naa ho jaaye!!"

haha!! To visit a profile you need to have a profile and here's a quick guide to create your very own..

I. About me : Now for this field follow the steps :-

1. On seperate chits of paper write down words like "cool", "attitude", "hot", "dude", "cute", "carefree", "life" etc
2. Drop the chits in a box.
3. Shake the box well.
4 Pick out chits one by one and write down the string thus formed in the "about me" text-box.

And if you are not satisfied with the result try out these readymade lines :-

i) "Tu chugalkhor hai tere ko nahee bataaunga"
ii) " haai mujhe sharam aati hai batate huye!!"
iii) "Saale profile visitor..kya mann me hai tere!! kal teri link aa jaayegi mere profile visitors ki list me.. bach ke jaayega kahaa!! Muhahaha"

II Here’s a sample of the remaining fields of the 'fixed options' category:-

relationship status: single *kya kru yaar triple ka option nahee tha to single hi likhna pada*

birthday: *ab ye bhi mai hi bataau kyaa*
age: *ye wala mere ko bhi bataana..:p*

here for : friends *'kuch kuch hota hai' ke cassette cover pe likha tha 'pyar dosti hai'*

children: yes - at home part time

ethnicity: african american (black)

languages i speak: Urdu, Arabic

religion: I am an INDIAN... * oye taali bajaao!! senti dialogue maara apun*

political view: libertarian *iska matlab nahee pata tha yu hi likh diya...tu kya has raha tere ko pata hai kya??*

humor: clever/quick witted, goofy/slapstick * goofy?? mickey mouse kahaan hai?"

sexual orientation: straight *isme NO mazaak shhh*

fashion: TV (hehe 'ftv' aur kya)

living: with playmates ;p

webpage: www.abey-pop-up-hai-close-karde.com

III

sports: Raja-Mantri-Chor-sipaahi me gold medal, teen-patti, aur Bull-fighting me champion!!

books: Pet dard ka gharelu ilaaz, Jeeja-saali jokes, rangeen shero shaayari...these books changed my life..

music: fav album "Aunty no. 1", khuddar, aap ka suroor part 2

tv shows: krishi darshan, News for the hearing impaired, gumshuda talaash kendra

movies: only if a good enuf role is offered!!

cuisines: Arey mere bahut saare cuisines hai..teen bhopal me rehte hai...aur 2 dilli me padhaai kar rahe hai

Phewhh!! ab sone jaata hoon..hope this enlightening post will help you in creating a great profile on which garam_bheja_fry will mark his attendance daily to make you go
"ooiiii maa kalmooha phir aa gaya!!".